Love Defined

Love; the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. When we grow, it is because we are working at it, and we are working at it because we love ourselves. It is through love that we elevate ourselves. And it is through our love for others that we assist others to elevate themselves. 
Dr. Scott Peck

Unfortunately (or fortunately) as life would have it, I did not discover this meaning of love until the year I filed for divorce. And truth be told, I was in no shape to walk in this definition of love with the husband I had chosen for myself.

Funny thing is, it was until I filed for divorce did I become insatiably hungry to know the true meaning of love. I scoured myself with biblical texts and old words from sages and monks, eager to apprehend the thing called love. We've done such a fine job of tainting it--I wanted a clean, pure meaning of it. And the search continues to confound me, yet fill me full. 

I often wonder if and when I will walk out this meaning of love in my own life. That is not to say, I am not in love everyday with myself or my children, but it is to say, I wonder when I will live into this love with a mere mortal man who is inspired by God. Only time will tell and only God knows. Though I believe in my heart, He didn't endow me with with the power of love only to keep it. Inevitably, I will return it. 

What say you on the meaning of Love? 

erm...It is Well

Letter to the Young World

Dear Young World,

You don’t know me and I don’t know you. And that is fine. But I used to be you once upon a time…ago. I was fresh, born out of love, thrust into the world, with trust clenched in my left hand, and innocence in my right. I roamed Earth radiating beauty, purity, aliveness and security. The world, a delightful mystery. Little did I know, I would attract things to me that would jade my fortuity and mold my reality.

      I cast my pearls to swine who could not behold me, couldn’t appraise the jewel in me, castrated my thoughts, my sanity; everything that founded me. Allured by the difference in me, tempted to touch my peculiarity, but in the end, they would never remain to contain the vast wholeness of me. It’s a sad story—a short one too. Thereafter, roaming Earth looking for that specific someone to restore all the things lost in the one who came before. A cycle that would orbit until we descend to the bottom of Earth, six feet below and lower. But Beloved, you are not called to this end.

      Young world, I wish I could fast forward you to your latter years. Don’t let this fall on deaf ears. The treasures they hold far outweigh today’s troubles untold. Your new world is such a wonderful sight to see. When you re-member with your original identity. Your natural integrity. Your authentic reality. This is but one ripple in your beautiful, blue sea of eternity. Wade into the water, baptize yourself clean. Change your vision and speak your desirables. You are far more capable than imaginable.

      From my heart, I implore you to set aside the weight that does burden you. And liberate yourself from a love that chokes you. And before you speak, tis easier to say than do, know that you have the power to create and command the quality of life that suits you. It only requires an abandon of everything that does not serve you. A loyalty to your higher being and the pure love you were birthed through—should be what you bring back to you. Relinquish what is not yours, to receive what is designed for you. You will continue to struggle with what is because you won’t have it. But you will never change it. And all your strength will never force it. You will gain more with your malleable might when you rest with what it is and surrender to what it is not.

      Young world, I speak from the other side of you. I speak from tried and true. And I speak to the future you. You have been broken open to contain more love than you will know what to do. But in the todays that you have now, honor yourself, love your life, savor your youth. Attend to your heart’s healing and your emotions’ mending. Protect your sacred spirit. Define your journey and the marvelous love story you will someday recount to the younger you. What you seek is attainable, just not in the direction of your short-sighted view. Look ahead young world. See yourself ahead. You are beloved! You are worthy of everything made by the King. 

Sincerely, 
A Wiser You

erm...It is Well

Led Astray

She believes: The quickest way to acquire wealth and status is to marry a man better off than she. "I will not marry for love!" She said as if love were a weakness or infirmity. "That is an outdated, old-fashioned thing. And I do not want to work for 20 years to establish myself," she retorted. "The man I marry will bring me up. I'm not marrying for love. That is senseless; I don't need that. Nor do I need emotional or spiritual succor from my marriage. I can get that myself...what I need is financial stability. That is the purpose of a husband to me." 

Her normal is a loveless marriage. And she has barely lived to discover her own...Her indifference to holy matrimony sort of shocked me. Baby girl is only 20 years young--but knew from the top of her wig to the bottom of her pedicured feet: I know myself! You don't me! And all the while baby girl spoke, I fought to keep my speech. Finally I had to release. But, it was clear she could not hear me. She conducted research to validate her plea. A loveless marriage will better serve her if the man she meets brings her enough money to please her needs. Love has died in her or sleeps deep. She wouldn't wake it up--to the possibility of it breathing free--again.

And I wondered from where she adopted this fallacy...She has adjusted to her feeling-less, materialistic expectations. Why? 

Please believe I do not judge this young lady. But to hear her young, unknowing voice speak with all her conviction, did something to the woman in love in me. I'd like to think I disrupted her stoic mentality. Because sooner of later we will come to face the reality: love is everything. And yes we are entitled to our own opinions, and yes we have the birthright to live into or own beliefs, but life has taught me--watch the words you speak. They come for you.

It is crazy to think--in this season of life--a woman will come to find a man to provide everything she desires with the mere exchange of youth and beauty. When woman, that is your duty! It is your duty to meet your needs and live by design. It is your duty to be your own salvation in every sense of the word. Why burden your heart and another soul with the deficiency of your needs? In knowing how to give love, we recognize the love we want to receive. And any love that seeks for itself is not love and selfish indeed. So baby girl I ask again, a loveless marriage--is that where you want to sow seed? 

We should pray for a revolution, for love to be stirred in the hearts of the young women coming up. Because if they are joining and conjugating in loveless-ness--what kind of progeny will they return back to our Creator? 

Or maybe I'm the one who sees it wrong. What do you believe? Comment please. 

erm...It is Well

Grace for Your Grace

His unmerited favor.
Unearned, baseless approval; divine assistance. 
Enabling power sufficient for progression...

Your elegance and your beauty of form. 
Your charm and attractiveness. Your manner, your ease...

Consider this Beautiful--yes you! What have you put your grace through? Your beauty, your body, your charm,  your youth, your kindness, your forgiveness, your mercy, your patience, your understanding, your quality, your favor? What has your grace been loyal to? 

Where did His Grace carry you from? Where did His protection deliver you?  Where did His mercy pardon you? Where did His charity cover you? Where did His favor bless you? Where did His grace love you?

Darling, you have been the possessor of Grace all along. 

erm...It is Well

Love Lessons

"This is the female's first lesson in the school of patriarchal thinking and values. She must earn love. She is not entitled. She must be good to be loved. And good is always defined by someone else, someone on the outside...Schooled to believe that we find ourselves in relation with others, females learn early to search for love in a world beyond our own hearts."
bell hooks

And where has that search led us...left us? Through how much have we labored only to lack the love we desire the license to hold? We've become loyal to the least and the lust only to lose ourselves. But Beloved, you've always deserved to launch into a full love, to lean into a soft love, to linger there and laze there carefree. You always deserve the fullness of love, to know the time for love, to blend in the flesh of love, simply because You Breath. 

So let's talk about it!
Today I ask you: Have you been good enough to be loved? To whom have you given your right to love and to be loved? What mortal man did you leave your love in--waiting for him to return it to you? What love lessons have you learned through the years? Comment please. Inquiring minds and healing hearts want to know. 

erm...It is Well

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Rewriting the Narratives

Let us begin the work of getting to the heart of the matter.
I hereby declare this your blog! The dream I wish to see as a reality for such a time as this, is a space where woman peel off the layers to discover themselves. When I say rewriting the narratives, it means throwing out the scripts we memorized from the mouth of tradition and removing the limitations we've worn under the guise of religion.

Rewriting the Narratives means, taking off our mother's dress, our grandmother's head wrap, our sister's shoes...It means taking from our abiding thoughts the teachings we were given as doctrine and removing from our internal dialogue all the myths we have talked into our being. It means breaking through all the gospels we were given as the formula for living. You are the writer of your life. Everyday you arise from your bed and your feet touch the floor, you have the power to co-create with your Father God. 

But before you create haphazardly for one more moment; before you create one more stronghold from a place of weakness or one more ounce of your life with ill intention--you should search your heart. You should take a seat in your soul and observe the comings and goings. You should get to the bottom of your heart, through all your matter. 

Getting to the Heart of the Matter is what I believe to be the path to wholeness and living well. The residue of brokenness, loneliness, rejection, betrayal, abandonment...need I continue. (I know you have a list of your own). When we do not use our response-ability and sift through our matter, renew our hearts, the residue of these things sit on our hearts, festering, occupying viable space, leaving no room for healing. We know everything unsettled in our heart brims to the surface of our life, on the job, in the home, through relationships. No area is exempt. But so what?

The Call to Action--you knew it was coming. I challenge you to join me on the mission. Accept it. Take off the mask. Peel off dead skin. Liberate your story. It has held you hostage long enough. Share boldly and unabashedly. (Or if you wish, share anonymously).

You are wise. As wise women, it is our burden and blessing to impart our hard earned wisdom gained from heartache and sufferance to younger generations. To our daughters and nieces and friends coming along the way, we owe them, the knowing of what it takes for a woman to become whole, stay whole and thrive. So go ahead, share a paragraph or share a page (or share this link). The point is let it go. The story has no power over you. But it can be powerful to the inspiring of another. 

erm...It is Well

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Permission to Launch

If you are reading this, it is because I have finally given myself permission to succeed. 
I have been birthing and nursing this site for almost three weeks. Every week I claim intently, I'm ready to launch! But right beside the claim, creeps in doubt and I get distracted with thoughts of what are YOU going to think when you see this place.  What will you say when I let you into my secret space? So I rearranged it a few too many times trying to anticipate your reaction to my flowers, my words, my design, my endeavors...Tonight I let go. 

To be completely transparent, I attempted to build this site almost one year ago. At that time, I found the process to be too complicated for my simple mind and I abandoned it. I told myself I would find someone to create and design a site for me. I shopped around for a while but never committed to any prospects and held on to my excuses.

But a very interesting phenomenon unfolded for me while procrastinating (yea I do that too). I discovered, desperation can lead to tremendous creativity.  And after attending one, two, five book events, I realized I no longer had the luxury of not having a cyber space. So every day, from midnight to the wee hours of the morning, I worked at setting up shop. Why my creativity chooses to flow free at night--I can't explain. But this here--is the product of diligence and sleepless nights. And if I do say so myself, it is worth it!

Let me add, if there is something you are working on, a vision or project you are birthing, an idea you are stagnating in procrastination, get desperate about it--and watch how your inner know-how leaps into action. Tap into your creativity. Tap into your determination. Sit patiently in the stir of your inspiration...and taste and see what boils over. It will be worth it!

But as for here and now, thank you for reading me. Please peruse the place. Take your time. After all, I did create the place with you in mind. Before you leave, share your thoughts. I'd like to know how the experience is for you. 

erm...It is Well