Ways to Healing & Happiness

Because every broken heart needs mending, 
every hurting spirit needs healing and
every wounded women needs wholeness. 

Healing and Happiness are your birthrights. 
Along the road to healing and happiness, here are a few things you can do and a few ways you can be to stay on your best path. 

1. Be grateful for your feelings! 
Why? Because your feelings are for you. They belong to you and they serve you. Your feelings urge you and remind you; they prompt you, they pause you. But most importantly, they connect you to your Father God. God is touched by the feeling of your infirmity. He is touched by your tears, your heartbreak. Imagine, the condition of your heart, your sad countenance--conditions Him. He feels for you. And like the wonderful, compassionate Father, comes down from His throne to comfort you, to champion for you, and to contain you. 
Your feeling is how healing comes. God is the source of your ultimate healing and wholeness. However once you have honored and processed them, get out of your feelings and get into your future. Make it happen for yourself: moment by moment, faith to faith. 

2. Do not be angry; do not be bitter. Be amiable; be beauty--to yourself. 
Because when you forgive yourself, you get freedom. Freedom to be you! The God-made you not the man-said you. Contrary to popular belief, you will never run out of your essence. It is impossible to give your whole self away. You have not run out of love. You have not run out of kindness, compassion or devotion. These are your primary ingredients; your purposeful fillings. Remove the decay and clutter from the years of living, to uncover the original you. You are sweet and deserving. You are beauty unparalleled, You are more than amazing. You are altogether beautiful, Beloved. There is no flaw in you. You are priceless. Literally. 
Stand on that truth. You are worth life and loving. Develop an inner scripture to affirm so. (i.e. I am the beloved child of God. I am one with my undivided love). 

3. Do not look back. We are all familiar with the unfortunate end of Lot's wife. Stuck...
We are not called to live in the tombs of our memories. We are not called to dance in the shadows with fallen ghosts. We are not called to envy the visions of yesterday, nor make pretty a painful past. We are called to live every moment--in the moment. 
Cliche: Now is all you have. But it is. So Now--happiness. So Now--laughter. So Now--celebrate. So Now--love yourself. So Now--savor your soul. So Now: joy, vacation, new choices, appreciation, different perspectives...schedule your pleasures Now.
So NOW--not I can't wait until... 

But NOW. Put your Needs Over your Wants and be well! 
Needs Over Wants. You Need five essentials to survive:
Air--breathe, inspire yourself daily. Look to the things that inspire your life, your love, your creativity, your happiness. And breath them in. 
Shelter--guard your heart. But do not close it. Do not block it. Guard it but let life flow through it. You can handle it. Be your safe haven. 
Water--hydrate your body. Soak your spirit with living water. Plenish your soul with the spiritual practices to keep you balanced. 
Food--eat right. Energize yourself. Eat the foods that boost your health and energy. 
Sleep--rest. Rest your weary self. Rest your whole self to restore your whole self. You deserve to recuperate to be ready to keep living. 

erm...It is Well

Incline to Love

The years of tears left scars, left her praying to the stars, a heart ajar with God, a beautiful reservoir...of sullied love and a sweet resurrection...

These days thoughts come to me as fragments and incomplete sentences. Nothing full enough to bloom. Only fragments and incomplete sentences, fractured at the very moment of their birth. 

Experience the mind of a writer.  Some days my thoughts are whimsical and want to speak of full moons fancy with blue and blood, a scientific phenomenon or mesmerizing aphrodisiac to mere mortals setting into a perfect sunset, loving after the sun falls into an abyss. 

And other times, the thoughts are philosophical, imploring the hungry heart to cleave to the love already apprehended for us. Already mourned over. Already resurrected. And I find themes in certain words that like to keep coming back to me for use here and there. 

But most of all my incomplete companions emerge to speak of love unknown. I carry words that yearn to learn the substance of love.  It is my favorite subject.  The kind of love which holds us at gunpoint, pleading to please the gunman. The kind that keeps us as a prisoner of hope in the clutch of love's calling.  The sacred love that lays beside us to uncover our nakedness and consecrate us...Love is my muse. Love is my motivation, my inclination, like sunflowers incline toward sky's radiant blue. 

The month is February, the month of love for most. Let us celebrate love. The enigma of it together with the fullness of it. Let us celebrate all the ways it comes to us, all the ways it heals us, the ways it covers us, breaks us, mends us and molds us. Let us celebrate the ones who come to give it to us, the ones who withhold it and the ones who come to revive it in us. Let us honor love as who we are and what we came here to do. Let us be love. Let us create love. Let us command love to abide in our hands and hearts. Let us love. 

erm...It is Well

 

To Every Woman who Marries a Baby Daddy

Now I realize, that some have become accustomed to my usage of a special type of rhythm, a distinct type of flow, a manipulation of language that consequences the senses. But every once in a while, I gotta shed poetry, and remind a person or two, that a chick is straight out of the Brooklyn zoo! 

Because now that we are recycling men, it has become evident, there are matters that need to be addressed from a woman to a woman. I want to be kindly authentic in my delivery and give it to you hardcore raw. Cause a man can't impart this to you like I do. 

Woman, allow me to remind you, what you are called for. You are a pillar and not of salt--but of purpose. You are the pillar of strength, creativity, passion and sweet feminine authority. You should know you have the audacity and capacity to influence and drive your man. Yes you do. You are the help meet, the extraordinary flesh and bone of him, deliberately created to surround him, aid him, provide his succor and gird him. So let me break that down for you. 

While you for your man, you not about his foolishness. You pull him out of every muck and mire that would try to overtake him. You are in agreement with your man's agenda, but not when his agenda hurts his platform, his heritage or his destiny. You are called to hold him up, especially at those moments when he wants to trip and fall over the menial stuff. You don't stoop down with him in the gravel. You are an inspiration, inspire him to breath higher. 

Because he who finds a wife, finds a good thing--and you are a good thing, practicing good things, producing good things, giving good things to your man! But it doesn't stop there. He finds you and obtains favor from the Lord. Not the kind of favor that prefers one kid over the other. Nor the kind of favor that encourages the mistreatment of the innocents. (The children are always the innocents). But the kind of favor that blesses, serves, loves and protects.

Therefore Woman, when the man you call husband, wants to withhold time, emotions and tangible items from his seed, do not encourage that! 

When the man you call husband, who is called father, uses his mouth to degrade the mother of his seed--within the ears of the seed--do not justify that! 

And when the man you call husband, honey, "bea", "boo", undermines the character of the woman who furthered his progeny, do not support that, protect that or participate in that! We ought not shelter ignorance.

Because don't ever get to thinking you are some-kind-of-special, like umm a unicorn, that you can't one day catch it! That it--is not a formula made just for me. You are not exempt from his rage and wrath just cause you running the water for his bath--tonight. Don't think when he get ready to exact revenge, it will over look you or pardon the seed that fell from you...Stupidity does not discriminate. What you don't correct in him, he will give to you, eventually, ultimately, sooner than maybe. 

And furthermore, don't think you are better than me. You're not. You are a different me. It's just your turn to learn and tame the beast that would want to claim him and destroy you, eliminate your family. 

So on Sunday, when your husband, aka baby daddy wants to send his son home in the same clothes he arrived in on Friday, un-laundered--down to the undergarments--think about how much love you are demonstrating when you facilitate that transaction. (Not to mention the lesson of hygiene you are giving him).

And next Friday, when your husband aka my baby daddy pisses you off--don't misplace that anger or that smart mouth on my boy. Keep your adult aggression and conversation in the bedroom with your boo. Again--think about how much love is in that transaction. (Not to mention, the lesson of conflict resolution).

Or on any random day, if my boy should hit the nerve your husband been trampling over--you know, cause the boy is being a kid--do not discipline him. You can't lay down the law if you don't lay down the love! 

And finally, when you feel a little overwhelmed, a little disgusted, a little-whole-lot like you want to give up, because you might after a night of arguing about the same ole thing...don't disrespect yourself or your man in the presence of my son. Don't give that to him. Because everything you are doing is an imprint in my son's roadmap to manhood. 

So Women, since you voluntarily marring baby daddies--stay in your role. Stepmom--step up your love. Step up your patience. Step up your compassion, step up your faith, step up your kindness, step up your attitude, your decision making, your conflict resolution, your homemaking skills...Step up in your virtues. 

We are neither pigeons or chickens as some would purport. We are eagles soaring, mounting our wings to help each other up--and that includes the baby mommas!  

Sincerely, 
Your Husband's Baby Momma

erm...It is Well

A Few Lessons 2017 Gave to Me

Seven being the number of completion and eight being the number of new beginnings. It seems apropos. Happy New Beginnings. But first to celebrate the things completed. 

Last year taught me that I can be and I will be exactly what I say about me. No really. I had a few goals here and there, set a few intentions--and I saw them manifest. I met them. I lived in them. I continue to learn this lesson: I will have what I say. I like this lesson. Be mindful and intentional with the words you let our of your mouth. They become your shelter or your storm. 

Last year showed me, we, as women, are still hiding. Still little white lying about things that really matter to us for fear of looking "some type of way." What's wrong with looking some type of way? A different way. A strange way. An uncommon way. An artistic way. A desperate way, a vulnerable way, a confused way, a still figuring-it-out way. What is wrong with telling the truth and looking your way--whatever it is at the moment. Nothing. Because if you don't like the way you are being or looking, you can put away those childish ways. You can put away those selfish ways. You can put away those unattractive ways and be a God-inspired way. You can. Be as you are, in your truth, remembering there is a super to balance your natural.  Always!

Last year challenged me to be more self-aware and grow more emotionally intelligent. We are living, moving and having our being with other beings. And those other complicated beings, at any moment on any day, can be experiencing the highest point or lowest point of their being in the midst of us. Our beloveds, coworkers, friends, mutual strangers, estranged family members...can be walking around with a magnitude of problems, nervous energy, worries, ailments and anxieties. If we are not paying attention, we are missing opportunities to tap into our sensitivity. We are missing the moments when it is necessary to touch someone or help someone or save someone or just relate to someone. Consider you are God in the shape of a human. He expresses His deepest compassion and His most highest elation through a mere mortal such as you. How does it feel to be liken to an angel? You are an effect or an impact. 

Finally, 2017 reminded me to be encouraged. To stay encouraged in all things. We may plan, hope and mis-anticipate. We will get unhappy endings and undesirable results. We must. And we must get in trouble--sometime. How else do we come to know His present help? But remember, a long time ago, someone prayed for us to apprehend how wide, long, high and deep His love for us is. Somebody spoke over us to be filled to capacity with all the fullness of God, who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. There is no room for discouragement when we are filled to the brim with Him. 

And these are just a few of the lessons I got from 2017. What important lesson learned will you bring along into your 2018? Share!

erm...It is Well

Endure Love

because my heart
is not my weakness
I will not care-less 
and though that cup runneth over with
suffering and distress
heartache and bitterness  
leaving me drunk from a sullied love
I will not stop
even slightly
less longer than
a moment
I will resist caving
in nihilism
but a prisoner of hope
I will persist in loving

Because despite everything and all things that would come to pause our hearts and stop us in our tracks...we must still love.

Because despite and in spite of the heartbreaks and the mood aches, we will again awaken to love. We must answer the call to love. We need be the love we are born of. 

Do not let your heart be weakened by the words or the deeds of another who could not love you to full capacity or overflow in the fervor of your love. Do not let your heart be so troubled or dismayed by the lost ones who came to find rest in you for a short moment. They came to leave you with a lesson or two. You are the originator of your love. Their ghost cannot diminish the love fulfilled in you. Love on. Love up. Love in. Because love does, you too can endure.  

erm...It is Well

Love Yourself to Life

A message to all wonderful women:

All this talk of love yourself, honor yourself, care for yourself, but what does that look like?

It looks like you waking up every morning, looking into your eyes in the mirror and being grateful that you can look into your brown eyes in the mirror and see a face of innocence and wonder, life in the making
without judgement.

It looks like gently, handling, cherishing and accepting your body
because you yourself deserve your tenderness,
your heart deserves attention from you,
your heart deserves kindness from you,
you deserve forgiveness from you;
Above all you deserve a second chance from you, or a third, or fourth...

It looks like you thanking God for your face, your smile, your neck; 
your breasts are not too small, they’re not too big, they are perfect as they are.
It looks like loving the sway of your waist, 
the feel of your thighs, the arch of your feet.
You really are made perfectly, relax into your body.
It looks like loving the curves of your body, 
loving the lines on your body, 
accepting the wrinkles on your body, 
forgiving the flaws on your body;
Cause it’s the one body you’ve got! 

Touch yourself and hold yourself as you would your lover, 
take your time, discover yourself, learn yourself, affirm yourself.
Bring your broken, marred self back to the potter’s house and let Him mold you again.
It looks like looking back at where you were and looking now at where you are and thanking your angels for carrying you thus far and further.

Have confidence in, believe in, continuously; 
your paths, the distance, the course
to your condition, your transitions and your destinations.
All the ways you arrive belong to you and will work to your becoming,
your ultimate self.

Loving yourself to life looks like gratefulness, carefulness, and appreciation for everything; 
It looks like feeding yourself with the foods that nourish your body, 
lend longevity to your heart, 
and drinking the spring water to quench your soul.
It looks like resting your head on a clean bed of soft sheets,
keeping your atmosphere uncluttered and orderly to encourage your inner peace.

Indeed, your love looks like: 
resting in the grace working around your life.
Your love looks like letting love and light beam through you.
Your love looks like enduring resilience and everyday surrender.
You love looks like you learning to trust in your divinity.

And finally it sounds like you repeating these words to yourself daily:
I know myself as love. I am love.
I know myself as loving. I am a lover.
I know myself in love. And I am my lover.

That is your call. That is your purpose. 
To reach love, teach love and be love only.

Sincerely,
erm

erm...It is Well

Love Defined

Love; the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. When we grow, it is because we are working at it, and we are working at it because we love ourselves. It is through love that we elevate ourselves. And it is through our love for others that we assist others to elevate themselves. 
Dr. Scott Peck

Unfortunately (or fortunately) as life would have it, I did not discover this meaning of love until the year I filed for divorce. And truth be told, I was in no shape to walk in this definition of love with the husband I had chosen for myself.

Funny thing is, it was until I filed for divorce did I become insatiably hungry to know the true meaning of love. I scoured myself with biblical texts and old words from sages and monks, eager to apprehend the thing called love. We've done such a fine job of tainting it--I wanted a clean, pure meaning of it. And the search continues to confound me, yet fill me full. 

I often wonder if and when I will walk out this meaning of love in my own life. That is not to say, I am not in love everyday with myself or my children, but it is to say, I wonder when I will live into this love with a mere mortal man who is inspired by God. Only time will tell and only God knows. Though I believe in my heart, He didn't endow me with with the power of love only to keep it. Inevitably, I will return it. 

What say you on the meaning of Love? 

erm...It is Well